For a dear friend

Eve's birthday just passed, and since I was (still am) busy at work, I managed to wrangle a free day out of my superior and got her to visit Aquaria KLCC. Thought it'd be nice for her to go see all the (water)fish since she occasionally becomes one herself :D Actually it's cuz she hasn't been there before and I really wanted to get her to enjoy her day after all the problems she had (and probably still has but less) back in our days in IMU.
Seriously, I just hope you did enjoy yourself there Eve. Happy belated birthday!

Well, Kah Heng and Cheok Soon came along in the end - I did tell her she could invite anyone along so she told Void and he somehow got his Ipoh trip postponed and tagged along. Cheok Soon, almost perenially free, decided to tag along since he was...well...free...
Pics I/we have but with my lousy skills most of my pics came out blur. Head over to Void's blog
for more pics.
We saw so many things:



Top to bottom :

• Arapaima gigas - the largest freshwater fish in the world
• a beautiful golden arowana
• Kah Heng pretending to be afraid of the fish...looks like he was more afraid of Eve(not in the pic)
• the fugliest cap ever...wonder what Vanessa would look like wearing it...

Unfortunately those were the only pics that turned out well but we actually saw lots of other stuff too. Gargantuan turtles the size of huge boulders, the mostest humongousest catfish ever, manta rays, reef sharks, nurse sharks, giant groupers, chambered nautilus(es?), one of them ikan tanglung, horseshoe crabs, slipper crabs, hawksbill turtles were among the stuff we saw.

We even hung around for the feeding time, when 2 divers in scuba gear descended into the huge tank and fed the fish. The nurse sharks are sooooo tame, they almost seemed dog-like. So was the hawksbill. Most fish scattered when the reef sharks appeared though, we didn't see them eating anything.

We ended up in Chili's after that, with a bottomless drink each and a dish of bottomless chips. Lol, great snack that was....

My Blues are back

It's funny, when I was burning oil for the exams, I yearned for the freedom to relax with my trusty PS2. Now that the exams are over and I am with my trusty PS2, I yearn for the days when I had classes.
It's so true that you don't really appreciate things until you lose them. I have effectively 'lost' social interaction on a regular basis. Previously I met and talked with people on a daily basis. Studied, played, laughed and basically had good times. Now all I hear is what comes out of the television. Kinda sucks....big time actually. Bumming around has lost it's glamour...if I were addicted to anything, it would be human interaction and I'm suffering from withdrawal...

The reality of the fact that our first phase of education is over is finally starting to sink in. And that the daily interactions were a privilege that won't happen again with the same people.

So I took Eve up on her offer of bringing us to this nice little cosy place - Ma Maison - a French restaurant somewhere in Ampang. I was surprised that she brought along Thuan Zen (correct spelling I hope) - turns out they were both from Klang. Along the way we picked up Cheok Soon and poor fickle-minded Kah Heng missed a delicious lunch. I just wish she would have told me earlier that she'd be at my place early - I was woken from slumberland by my mom telling me that she and a junior were at the house gates...really not a good way to wake up.

I really wish there was someone in my house that I can have a decent conversation with. The closest to that would be my dad, but even then we don't really have much in common...but he tries, quite a lot too, to have some conversations especially at meal times. Unfortunately most of the time I don't find interest in what he speaks on.
Guess I should try harder too...except that I really can't have any semblance of conversation with my brother as it will inevitably lead into an argument. And I guess one could say there is some bad blood between my mom and I, we have different philosophies of life and often end up arguing as well. The only difference is that arguments with my mom actually hurt.

I frequently wonder why I have such an 'interesting' family. The only reason I can think of is so that I learn some really valuable lessons of life...either that or I'm really unlucky.
Which is unlikely as I am lucky - lucky enough to have a family, a roof over my head, education, wonderful friends.

~always looking for the silver lining~

It's finally over. Ok, not exactly since the results are out in 4 days but after all that stress from stuffing my head with 5 semesters worth of knowledge, words just can't express the relief I felt after the first day of the exam, which coincidentally was the one that required the most studying.

Went with a whole load of people to KLIA earlier to send off Chu Kin, Tim and Ben. It's funny, that it seemed more like seeing a friend go home after a long day together. Not surprising seeing how we spent most of our waking hours mugging together and helping each other out of ruts we got into. Hence I expected a greater reaction from myself but...well I believe the impact will set it in time...just not today. Perhaps this is what they say about familiarity? Sigh, now with all the bad experiences a friend has confided in me during the month before EoS, I'm beginning to wonder if I have changed...changed into a more distant person, looking at something from the outside trying to find a solution. But there is no solution to this...

There are lots of memories that I'll treasure from my time in IMU, and it ain't over...not by a long shot. Most importantly would be the people I've met and befriended. Then there's the stuff we stole off Kah Heng's laptop. The IMU Ball 2006 "Reminiscence" project. The fun time together in the SRC room. Taiji classes with a certain 'torturer'. Orientation activities, whatever is being mentioned in the papers is so NOT what happens here. Here bonds of friendship are built and strengthened with fellow freshmen and seniors not to mention we have a fantastic time too.

They say people change, but I really hope that the people I stuck with won't. Fat hopes of that happening I'm sure, but at least remain the same lame, kiddy person at heart. As Eve said "Go and spread the lameness"

I Say...

...that humility is overrated. Only yesterday, my family and I were invited to my ku por's (grandfather's sister) birthday party. As I looked over the seating arrangements I felt a pang of despair as once again my brother and I were placed together with our cousins (grandfather's brother's grandkids - not close at all seeing how we meet only during CNY and rare functions like these) and their parents.

It's not due to the fact that we're not close. It's just that I don't really like the attitudes of the 2 uncles, especially when my brother is in the mix. The last time we were seated together was at another cousins' wedding dinner. They (the 2 uncles and my brother) drank can after can of beer and got themselves high. That was nothing, I mean it really didn't concern me. What did concern me was that very soon after the dinner started, they started teasing me...really not the most appropriate word to use but since I can't find another...which lasted the whole dinner. Needless to say, I just laughed at most of their nonsense, pretending to enjoy their teasing as well, but deep down inside was a very different feeling. One of annoyance and slight anger as well. I thought I'd let it pass since it was a one-off thing...

...until yesterday, when it happen again! I was like "what the @#$%?!" What the heck is wrong with these people? One uncle's wife smacked him time and again telling him to stop...guess she noticed I wasn't very comfortable with all the needling...but it was like hitting a wall. The best part? There was a long waiting period in between courses. Simple maths says that equals to more enduring crap out of their mouths.

It's not that I can't take the crap. Heck at uni we practically insult each other on a daily basis. The difference is that I barely know those 2 uncles and loathe my brother. So they had all their fun at my expense...again! Now standard Asian values say that one should be humble and not talk back to ones' elders. Humbug I say! I've told my brother off more times than I'm bothered to count and if this happens again, you can be sure those two uncles are going to get a piece of my mind!

I can forsee what would happen : they would be stunned silent for a while, then attempt to make amends by saying how it's just for fun and doesn't mean anything. But I would keep silent for the rest of the dinner and I shall not say anything to either of them. They'll probably end up thinking I'm some kind of stuck-up spoilsport but I couldn't give two hoots what they think. Then my mom would eventually find out about it and give me an earful about respecting elders. After which I would probably send this post to her in an email and hope she will understand.

The best part? My brother brought his girlfriend along to the dinner (I think she was the only one who sympathised with me) but since he got so wasted, guess who ended up sending her home? The nerve of that idiot!
Sigh...and my parents (and aunt and grandmom) tell me that whenever he tries to annoy me, to just yan/tolerate it. What I've tried to make them understand is that there is a limit to my tolerance and he surpassed that limit eons ago (full story on why I loathe my brother on my Friendster blog...maybe I should put it up here too...). Unfortunately they just don't get it at all. I tell them, especially my mom, that she wouldn't survive 1 day in my shoes but it falls on deaf ears as time and again the same advice comes out of her mouth.

For all her preaching on tolerance, she told me off (I'm putting it mildly) for being rude to her yesterday. I was like "HUH?" The only time I could remember anything remotely rude was when I corrected one of her statements, about my skin no less. And I seriously doubt it was anywhere near rude. And it was entirely unintentional.
Sheesh...talk about the pot calling the kettle black...

Musings

So is there really such a thing as choice? Or is everything predestined? If there is destiny, who decides it? Of course there will be those that proclaim God in His/Her infinite wisdom as the 1 who determines it but what about free-thinkers and aetheists? A thought that has been playing on the dark edges of my mind for quite a while now...discussed this with some of my friends before...
anyway, maybe some examples will help clear my mind:

It seems painfully obvious that certain things are 'destined' so to speak. For instance, the fact that I have XY chromosomes instead of XX. I'm pretty sure I didn't have a say in what gender I wanted to be. When the sperm met the ovum - it's highly unlikely that these 2 gametes sat down, had a discussion and decided what they would form right?
I also was destined to be in my family, to be born in Malaysia, to have chronic eczema, to have 3 testicles...nah, kidding about the last one :P

What I did have a 'choice' in however were the courses I wanted to take, how I lived my daily life, going for a week to Redang to help save the turtles, getting a PS2, writing this blog among others.

So it does seem that there are such things as destinies and choices. Yet...if you think further, another theory is that everything is predestined. In this case everything really means everything. All the possible paths you could take during your life has been preordained - the difference is in which path you 'choose' to take. In this case is anything you do truly a 'free choice' so to speak?

Take the friends that you love and care about. Remember how you met them and developed a relationship?
Now think about this. If free choice really exists, then your meeting was simply due to pure chance - probability, if you will. It so happened that you both chose your current course and met and decided to forge a friendship. Had you have chosen a different course, you would not have met this person but probably met a different person.
If it was decreed that the 2 of you would meet, then obviously you 2 would meet, somehow or another, no matter what course you are doing wherever in the world no?

What about karma then? Is it possible that due to events in your past lives, in the current one you meet? Is this then destiny?

So I currently figure that there are a few possible explanations:

• <>Destiny is determined by some higher power
  
• <>Destiny is events in your past life that have shaped your current life
• Certain things are predestined and others are choices
• Everything that happened is purely due to chance, you got where you are by choosing your path

Now if destiny exists, there must be an Ultimate Destiny for each person - a reason why they are on this planet. Does everyone realise what they are here for and how would they go about completing their goal? What then if this person's goal is done?

....my head aches...

Suffering

It's not easy being me. And there were many times when I silently told you (my parents) off for telling me:

"Stop scratching....it's bad for you...it's all in your head...etc"

Don't you think I know that? Do you really think I want to mutilate myself? It's almost the same as asking me to ignore the incessant taunts of my brother. You wouldn't know unless you are in my shoes. I'm almost willing to bet that those of you who do not have chronic eczema will not know how it feels.

How it feels to have an itch so bad that you just have to scratch it or you'd just die. To have itching on multiple parts of your body at the same time recurring throughout the day. To unconsciously scratch yourself in your sleep and wake up the next morning to find lesions that bleed and ooze on various parts of your body. To have to suffer the pain and discomfort from those lesions.
Would you know how it feels like to have permanently dry skin? That is so bad that sometimes when you move, a really dry part of your skin just tears? To feel that your limb feels very uncomfortable because a large part of it is dry? And because of that you can't bathe very often in this hot, humid country as that will just dry out your skin even more?

Do you know that the topical corticosteroids and moisturisers have only temporary effects? And that prolonged use of the steroids causes tolerance?

Do you realise that with all these lesions, even a simple thing like washing dishes and taking a bath hurts and itches like crazy? And yet you force me to do things like bathe the dogs. And when I protest, you don't seem to care and make me do it anyway.

You don't know that I worry what other people think of me when they discover I have this. You don't know I take pains to prevent certain parts from being seen at certain times because even I can barely stand to see it. You don't know how frustrating it is when I layer myself in ointments and creams daily but it never heals enough before another lesion appears there....

...you don't know I worry that I'm wasting your money on all these skincare products.

I've told you some of these things before but you just didn't seem to bother. In fact, the only time you do bother is when you see me plastering some part of myself in a semi-vain effort to prevent excessive damage to a part.
I've given up trying to talk to you about these things. Since you always think you know better than me...

...it's just like how well you 'know' my allergies and forget that I can't eat prawns when ordering...

Disgusted

Honestly, I'm disgusted and disillusioned with the students of IMU as of now. The recent SRC elections was the subject of much heated debate in the IMU online forum.

Holier/Smarter/More-experienced than thou individuals criticized and insulted, basically bombed the way the SRC handled the elections. Using a not-so-selected choice of words too at that. Really makes one wonder if they actually think before the talk...wait...rephrase that to whether they actually think or not.
Ultimately Eve, Cheok Soon and Kah Heng resigned from their posts. Not because of the criticisms, not because they failed at their jobs but because after all the bashing, they felt like the very thing they cared for turned around and stabbed them in the back.

Not a day passed when a certain lecturer told his PBL group about another idiotic incident. Lecturer X told a few students one day that Lecturer Y's lecture was a little advanced for our current level of required knowledge and hence would not be asked in the exams. Word passed around (our lovable batch rep did so as well) as friends would try to help one another and that was, in fact, a really heavy lecture.
Soon lecturer X heard from lecturer Y that a student came up to ask if the lecture was really not required for the exams.

Can you imagine what lecturer Y must have felt when that idiotic student asked that question? Can you imagine the implications on the batch rep (who probably felt partly responsible for it)?

To the idiot who asked the question to the lecturer:
How many enemies have you made in uni that made you disbelieve the word of your fellow students? Even so, surely you should know that our batch rep has done nothing but work for us M104 students? Surely his word is believable.

Normally if a lecturer does not hand out notes, Johan and Renee would ensure that the batch receives a copy eventually. However after lectures today Johan (finally) announced that from now on, lecture notes that aren't handed out by the lecturer will have to be printed by the students themselves as he had not the time to do that stuff anymore.
This was met with a resounding wail of despair and negative statements from a large part of the class.

To all the assholes who did that:
Go boil your head, fry your face and then smear salt over it!
Johan and Renee have worked their butts off for you and all you can do is feel upset that they consider their studies more important than you spending some 40 sen to print out your own notes.
Talk about kiasuism!
Curse you to suffer as they have in the very near future!

Eve, Johan, Cheok Soon, Kah Heng and Renee - you have all done wonderful jobs. Yes, you make occasional mistakes but you are human too. And it's perfectly understandable why you did the things you did. Sadly such things go unappreciated.

Unorthodox

2 days ago, due to some miscommunication, I had a fun-filled badminton game with Zhun Jeat, Chu Kin, Steve, Rafiqu and Kok Chuan. The catch was that I had only brought with me a spare t-shirt. So I played in a t-shirt and formal pants and shoes. (I usually bring along a spare shirt just in case I decide to be hardworking one day and go exercise)
I must say it was an interesting experience but of course it affected performance.

Later Eve invited me to go for a so-called 'Night-Walk' in Bukit Gasing. Apparently it was some Adventure Club thingy. I agreed, mostly since it would be so near my house. Besides what's a little frolic through a secondary forest which I've been to a few times already?

Some time back in secondary school, I used to join the annual camps to Taman Negara, where we were clearly told in black and white, what to bring along. It included 2 pairs of jeans for trekking (presumably one to wear while the other dries back at camp) as well as trekking boots. The problem was that I didn't have jeans nor boots. I hated jeans - the material made me itch, and the boots...what was I made of? Money?
Anyway I went for the camp regardless, equipped with my trusty khakis and my badminton shoes and stoicly trekked along with the others. I got some comments from my friends, including why I didn't wear jeans, why jeans are superior, whether I was sure the shoes would last etc.

In the end, I had the last laugh. My khakis were as tough as their jeans for the trek, my shoes survived without problems and almost everyone else complained that their jeans were SO heavy after wading through a river. In fact, until very recently my badminton shoes have faithfully served me, albeit having lost their grip (leading to me doing sliding stunts on the court).
I learned from that experiece that nothing is really hard and fast. There are always alternatives - sometimes even better than the norm...unfortunately we weak-minded humans give up way to easily, but that's a topic for another time.

Back to the present. I realised that since my t-shirt was as of now unwearable and I faced the quest of trekking in my entire formal wear. I also realised that I could simply go home and grab a spare shirt and my somewhat holey badminton shoes...but where's the fun in that? After all it was kinda wet that night.

And so clad entirely in formal, to the surprise of the guide (who was a friend of the Adventure Club guy who got us involved), I went through the forest.
Emerged unscathed, not that we would be anyway since it's devoid of dangerous animals, but somewhat muddy and sweaty. It was a mediocre adventure - nothing to shout about. It might have been more fun had the guides not stopped every 5 minutes or so for 5 minutes or so, to break open dead tree barks to admire little white insects or stare at a spider the size of half a thumbnail.
No offense but if you had mentioned earlier, like before we entered the forest, that you were on some biology hunt I might have had second thoughts about it.

Well, it's water under the bridge now. Pretty sure I've gained something from it even if I dunno what it is yet. Besides we had fun in A&W afterwards :D

Tribute to a Special Person

It seems fitting that for a first post (on this blog anyway) that I should say something nice. And so I shall - about someone I am indebted to. Not talking about my mom or dad though, I'll forever be indebted to them and they shall be mentioned somewhere in the future.

I'm talking about my piano teacher, a tribute to a certain Ms. Choo Ing Kitt.

I really can't remember the first time I met her, just that it was in some music academy by the name of 'Sunwave'. Anyway eventually she left the academy and went solo. Then she would come to my house every week to teach my bro and I. And we would serve her water and the occasional food (snacks).
Like most kids I was terrible back then. Always fooling around and refusing to practise. So my parents gave her full permission to whack (rotan anyone?) us when she deemed it necessary. Fortunately she never did deem it necessary :D
I remember the classes were divided into 2 halves. 1st one would have a practical session with her. Then both of us would do theory together in the kitchen. Then the other one would have his practical session. I loved the theory session for all the wrong reasons - it was more a time of chatting and gossip than learning. We would exchange stories and she would regale us with stories of her life :)

She taught us for a good number of years. Sometime during that period she got married to a certain Mr. Lee and had a kid. We still called her Ms. Choo though :)

I remember I was always the poorer student - I refused to practise and was absolutely lousy in my theory. Somehow I managed to scrape through Grade 5 Theory and didn't bother anymore after that. However my mom insisted that I get a Grade 8 in Practical (ie piano playing). So we kept having lessons.
I absolutely hated the ABRSM (Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music) syllabus. I hated and sucked at scales, pieces, and especially at sight-reading and aural tests (especially aural since I couldn't sing nor whistle). No matter how much she pushed me I just didn't have the motivation to improve myself. I scraped through most of my exams until I failed my Grade 8 exam by a point. (the passing mark was 100 and I got 99)

I was quite badly affected by it. I mean, it was my first real failure. I was annoyed, angry even, at the examiner for refusing to give me the one mark I needed to pass. I was about to give up then but was pushed on by my mom and her. Fortunately I could play the same pieces the following year, and so I did and I passed with 101 marks.

Then I realised that it was over - no more lessons as she wasn't qualified to teach diploma level. No more fooling around, gossiping over theory classes. She had also mentioned she wanted to stop teaching and focus on her child. And so she just stopped coming...

As the years passed, I realised just how much I missed having her in my life. She was more like a relative than a teacher. Mostly my fault for not keeping in touch with her, understandably so since she had a family to focus on. There were a number of occasions when I just wanted to pick up the phone and call, just for a chat, but never summoned enough courage to do so. I kept playing the piano though, turning to it for solace and just whenever I felt like making some music. Looking back I think what I really hated back then was having to play pieces I couldn't understand and didn't like.

When my 21st year on this earth came, I decided that I would invite her for lunch - but nobody answered the phone. Then I realised that I only had her father's house number - I didn't have hers.

I'm pretty sure that if she could see me now, listen to me play, I'd make her a little proud. I believe I have improved lots over the years (although my theory knowledge is now almost nonexistant :D) and play quite nicely. I also believe that my singing has improved loads. All because I was given the chance to enjoy music, but I only really started doing so post Grade 8 Practical.

Dear Ms. Choo, wherever you may be. Thank you for all your time, guidance and patience. Thank you for the wonderful times we shared. Thank you for this wonderful ability that you have passed down to me.