It's not easy being me. And there were many times when I silently told you (my parents) off for telling me:
"Stop scratching....it's bad for you...it's all in your head...etc"
Don't you think I know that? Do you really think I want to mutilate myself? It's almost the same as asking me to ignore the incessant taunts of my brother. You wouldn't know unless you are in my shoes. I'm almost willing to bet that those of you who do not have chronic eczema will not know how it feels.
How it feels to have an itch so bad that you just have to scratch it or you'd just die. To have itching on multiple parts of your body at the same time recurring throughout the day. To unconsciously scratch yourself in your sleep and wake up the next morning to find lesions that bleed and ooze on various parts of your body. To have to suffer the pain and discomfort from those lesions.
Would you know how it feels like to have permanently dry skin? That is so bad that sometimes when you move, a really dry part of your skin just tears? To feel that your limb feels very uncomfortable because a large part of it is dry? And because of that you can't bathe very often in this hot, humid country as that will just dry out your skin even more?
Do you know that the topical corticosteroids and moisturisers have only temporary effects? And that prolonged use of the steroids causes tolerance?
Do you realise that with all these lesions, even a simple thing like washing dishes and taking a bath hurts and itches like crazy? And yet you force me to do things like bathe the dogs. And when I protest, you don't seem to care and make me do it anyway.
You don't know that I worry what other people think of me when they discover I have this. You don't know I take pains to prevent certain parts from being seen at certain times because even I can barely stand to see it. You don't know how frustrating it is when I layer myself in ointments and creams daily but it never heals enough before another lesion appears there....
...you don't know I worry that I'm wasting your money on all these skincare products.
I've told you some of these things before but you just didn't seem to bother. In fact, the only time you do bother is when you see me plastering some part of myself in a semi-vain effort to prevent excessive damage to a part.
I've given up trying to talk to you about these things. Since you always think you know better than me...
...it's just like how well you 'know' my allergies and forget that I can't eat prawns when ordering...
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One Sky, One Destiny
May the always be work for your hands to do, May your purse always hold a coin or two, May the sun shine on your windowpane, May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain, May the hand of a friend always be near you, May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
About Me
- Ken
- Just a guy wandering the Earth, figuring out if life is predestined or whether we choose our paths. Concurrently attempting to study medicine and going crazy.
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Words of Wisdom
- You've got to start with the hardest thing in the world: forgive yourself - May Parker, Spiderman 3
- You never truly know someone until you fight them - Seraph, The Matrix, Reloaded
- There is emptiness in form, there is form in emptiness
Quotable Quotes
- "Your Gin n' Tonic Futon brain inplants really make you smart!" "......That's Positronic-Photon brain you idiot! Gin n' Tonic Futon brain? You're making me sound like a sleepy drunk" - Xenogears
- You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity - Shrek
- Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Did you know women can have an hour long orgasm? - Dr Allison Cameron
- Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago - Dr Allison Cameron
- You have a parasite. Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites - Dr Gregory House
- When I hired you I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things but, once done, trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane - Dr Lisa Cuddy
- It is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up, you are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession - House
Reflections
- You can't get anywhere unless you start
- Do not choose to be wrong for the sake of being different
- Life is a canvas - you fill in the picture
- Pleasant thoughts make pleasant lives
- Every ending is a new beginning
- Your life is what your thoughts make it
- To know one's ignorance is part of knowledge
- You never know what you can do until you try
- Purpose is what gives life meaning
- To find friendship, offer friendship
- You'll never get rid of bad temper by losing it
- Fear is the parent of cruelty
- Each day comes just once in a lifetime
- Nothing makes people go into debt like trying to keep up with people who already are
- If we don't stand for something, we'll fall for anything
One Sky, One Destiny
Thought for the day
Handle every situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it, chew it or hump it...
Piss on it and walk away.
When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
If you can't eat it, chew it or hump it...
Piss on it and walk away.
When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
5 comments:
Whoa. Your situation definitely sounds worse than mine, and mine never really "heals up" properly. Have you tried some sort of basic non-allergenic body oil/paraffin-containing stuff right after a shower, before drying off? The theory is to trap the water underneath without using too much chemicals. I find that it helps. I stopped using topical corticosteroid due to the skin-thinning effect that makes it even easier to break.
Course, you probably know all of that studying what you study and I'm probably just stating the obvious. :) Hope things work out better for you though. Cheers.
Hey pei, thanks for your thoughts and suggestion...never really considered that since it would probably be messy and mom would complain :/
I might actually give it a go since you said it works :)
Unfortunately I still use the topical steroids to reduce the itch and inflammation...sometimes it's just near unbearable - and believe me when I say I can bear a lot.
You're welcome, and I hope it'll help you if you decide to try it out. It's a bit hard not having the support of the family as well - my mother had been nagging me since I was six that the cause of my dry skin is not drinking enough water, so I was a bit ticked off when I found out last year that it was bloody genetics (ironically, from her side of the family!). But hey, have you considered (since your condition is a bit more widespread) that it might be a reaction to the type of clothes-washing detergent used? I remember I used to get worse when I used particular brands of dish-washing detergent (particularly Axion!) and others doesn't cause as bad a reaction. Plus, a friend of mine managed to resolve her eczema after six years after finding out that it was her clothes-washing detergent. Then there are thoughts on traditional Chinese herbal remedies being helpful as well like licorice root (anti-inflammatory and detoxifier, supposedly contains chemical components which act similarly to cortisone, but without the side effects), but I haven't tried it out yet because I'm not willing to pay the British price for something I can get back in Malaysia. :P
Granted, any changes would probably be easier to undertake if you're living outside on your own, so I'm not sure what you can really do about it if your parents aren't understanding enough to make some household changes to help you cope or find the "trigger", if there is one. And if I remember right, eczema in Malaysia isn't a well-known condition so I'm not sure if they actually sell products aimed to help eczema sufferers. :\
Okay, this is getting to be a long comment and maybe not particularly helpful, but just saying that you're not stuck with just moisturisers and cortisone for the rest of your life. I think the key is in research and trying out different things... though that could prove quite expensive in the long run so maybe not a good idea until you start earning your own living. Eeps. Did someone wise once said that we have to pay the price for comfort?
Very true those words. I can so imagine all the hassle in getting my parents to agree to try out new stuff since cash IS hard to come by.
Looks like we're in very similar boats :) I tried EPO for quite a while but it really didn't seem to have much effect if any.
Sorta interested in trying out detoxifiers - stuff like neem is supposed to help with eczema too. I'm considering seriously researching this condition after my finals...which is in a months time.
Lol, I know most of my triggers. Unfortunately where I stay, I'm constantly exposed to 3 of them. Heat makes it worse, as does dust. I'm also pretty certain dogs affect it somewhat...and my family has 3 dogs :/
never knew you worried abt what ppl thought when they find out abt your eczema. I never thought any worse of you for it that's for sure. But didnt realise it caused you so much pain either. =S well, all i can say is *hugz*
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